A bit like I've returned from a gap year a changed my perspectives a bit.

Well hello there, thanks for stopping by.

Now I know it’s been a while and I haven’t kept up with the blog promises I made in that very first (of four) posts. I've let me down, I’ve let the internet down, I’ve let the lads down, especially John, but most importantly I've let you down. There is an in-joke in there that roughly 7 other people will get but I hope it was worth it for them.

(I have not seen and do not endorse this film)

So yes my lack of blogging has gotten me thinking. Why did I set 

it up originally? What did I have that I thought was worth sharing? What should I have for lunch? Pizza? Fry up? Hummus? Hummus. What is that thing growing out of my big toe? All the sorts of questions you might expect.

The title of my blog offers reviews and silliness. From a Hemingway wannabe. The wannabe inserted so it heightens the pretentiousness of referring to myself and Hemingway in the same sentence by seemingly making a joke of it but actually just drawing attention to it.

As you can see, the silliness is there and as insufferable as ever, so that’s good. There has even been one review and will hopefully be more but I think we should now just accept that they will be as rare as an ad break in x-factor. There’s also sarcasm. Whilst I do plan on writing more reviews (I will I will I will) I am a dyspraxic with awful working memory who is very good at planning and talking about doing things but not actually that good at the actual act, as my a level drama teacher Baz can attest to. This is obviously very problematic as it causes the amount of started projects to grow on a regular basis and this is before work for my degree comes into it.

For an aspiring writer this is not a handy trait to possess. And this is where another aspect of my title comes into play; Hemingway wannabe. This writing aspect is something I did not want to write about a lot originally, whether that be because I didn’t think it was interesting, or it could all turn a bit hipster emo and/or wanky, or some small part of me didn’t want to mention some amazing idea for a novel in a blog for someone like Dan Brown to then go on and steal. That last ones a joke. But this does bring me back to why I started this blog. One of the old writing clichés is that the best way to get good at writing is to write. So I set this up to be able write something regularly that isn’t in my usual style but keeps cogs turning and allows me to try new things, to be conversational and witty. So far, I think I am slightly succeeding in one of those things. So I have now decided to write more about the writing hence the addition to the blog title. I am hoping this will help me get my ideas in check, help me be more organised, help me get in the mood for writing so I’m not having to make myself jump in at the deep end each time I pick up a pen, perhaps help others in a similar position or inspire them to help me.

Basically internet, you are now not only my therapist and confident but also, in a way, my writers group.

So now I will detail my trials and tribulations in writing on this blog and hopefully it may be of interest to you. For people who have read my writing, don’t worry, the blog will not be depressing, dark or twisted. The silliness very much remains.

To finish, and this will be a regular thing when I am talking about writing, I will leave you with a quote on writing by an author who has been there done that, because if there’s one thing I like more than writing its profound statements about writing that I can recycle when in public and seem intellectual, wise and deep.so for my first one I will use one from Neil Gaiman, whom I am currently just a little bit obsessed with after seeing him in Edinburgh and devouring his work again or for the first time. This quote is taken from him talking about writing on the Nerdist Podcast (I got it off youtube here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drMuQqLLEe0 13/09.2013 lots of stunningly good advice and the full thing is available here http://www.nerdist.com/2011/07/nerdist-podcast-106-neil-gaiman/)

I hope you enjoyed reading this rambley rubbish collection of words, thanks for reading hope to see you again soon!

“If you only write when you inspired you may be a fairly decent poet, but you will never be a novelist.” Neil Gaiman

The Impossible-film review

told you I would do it. don't you feel the fool.

I’m going to be honest.  I went to The Impossible with relatively low expectations. I hadn’t heard much about the film, just the odd bit of critical praise and obviously the subject matter. I went expecting a better than average but rather twee movie. One of those that would have, perhaps, been better suited to a T.V movie. The cast seemed to support this argument for me. Both Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts, whilst talented thespians had seemingly spent the last few years starring in passable films compared to the modern classics that were once their forte.

My expectations were not altered when the film began. Some nice shots of Thailand coupled with a rich white family, a mother and father with three boys, one of which confused becoming a teenager with becoming a bit of a nob, going on an expensive beach holiday in Thailand. Credit where it’s due, the cast and director did manage to make the characters very believable in a short space of time meaning that after only about ten minutes I cared about them all. But still, so far so twee, albeit skilfully so. This could have been a fine way to start the film if not for one thing. The opening scenes were peppered with ominous shots of the sea. An odd angle here, a minor chord there, all serving to tell us that in this film the picturesque sea is the enemy. I for one found this unnecessarily comedic. Anyone going to see The Impossible will have a slight knowledge that it is about the tsunami and will therefore know what it is about. The sinister sea shots felt like something from an especially bad episode of doctor who and even made me think my expectations had been too high, I had horrors of having to sit through Obi Wan vs. the sea.

Then the wave hit and all my doubts were destroyed in the chaos.

Yes chaos. To see such a force of nature hurtling towards me taking everything in its path was truly exhilarating. But then the horror, what about the Kenobis? What followed was a heart wrenchingly intense period of desperate survival and hopeless searching. The mother and the eldest boy were swept away by the flood and faced some horrific injuries and witnessed a lot of the devastation. They had to survive not only relapses of the tsunami but they had to find their way across an unrecognisable landscape for even the locales never mind tourists. Even when taken out of the land and placed into a hospital the intensity never let up, becoming a more focused assault on emotion casting aside the assault on the senses that came with the wave.  With the mother being confined to the hospital bed are focus was drawn to the teenager who took us on his journey with him. We felt the hopelessness cast aside through helping out in small ways in the hospital; we felt the intense pain and panic in the moments when he was separated from his mother. To say he started the film as generic angst ridden teenager this transformation was truly a revelation.  

Sometimes I am a bit of a cynic when it comes to films. A film will have to try very hard to convince me that a main character is truly in any danger. Well this certainly did the impossible….im sorry no more puns, come back, please? I have cake? Yes from the moment the tsunami hit I felt that these characters were in danger, at times I say no way that they could survive. For a time after the wave, the film solely focuses on the mother and teenager so I thought Ewan was a goner. This sense of danger is at its highest when focusing on the mother. And it’s one that never lets up.

The segments following Ewan McGregor and the other children are thankfully not as intense in the same sense. I say thankfully because, I don’t think I could have handled it, I was close enough to walking out of the cinema as it was, but also because it provides the dizzying chaotic highs, with sombre, reflective lows. He searches desperately for his family, going as far to leave the two other children in apparent safety, in order to do something that to everyone else seems so hopeless.  Again these segments are heart wrenching but for different reasons, for these segments provide hope and humility. But again, finding them does not guarantee a happy ending.

To discuss any more of the plot would be to spoil it so I shall instead talk again about the acting. The entire cast is superb. The two smaller children are given the least to do but this means their moments are believable and credit goes to them for showing signs of the ordeal they have faced off screen. Ewan McGregor is, for reasons I have already mentioned, fantastic as is Tom Holland as the teenaged Lucas. It truly is a fantastic ensemble cast but plaudits should definitely go to Naomi Watts. Whenever she is on screen she grabs your attention without trying, she plays the mother desperate to protect her child brilliantly because she refrains from going too far. In some films she would have appeared almost superhuman in terms of what she overcomes to get to safety. Yes in the film she manages to walk, run and even climb a tree with a nasty leg wound but you see it taking its toll on her. The fantastic thing is that you see her first reactions are always towards Lucas’ but always with some personal detriment to her own being, even at her most ill it is evident she would cause her own death if it meant the survival of her son.

After the initial TV drama affair, the direction cinematography really comes good. A hand held, ‘shaky’ cam style is used to really delve the audience into the chaos of the situation. It’s not like other films where it feels gimmicky, in settings like the crowded hospital you could think it was an accident and the camera man really was just getting jostled by the crowds; such is the level of immersion in this movie. That, said the truly great moments are those in the water. A mix of surface level and underwater shots allow us to follow the bodies as they are pulled along by the tsunami allowing us to truly feel the intensity and power of the wave.

Unfortunately this isn’t a perfect film. Aside from the , granted probably intentional choices, elements I didn’t like at the beginning of the film there are certain issues people may find with it. Firstly it is an overly westernised account of the tsunami. One may argue that this made it more relatable, and that’s fair enough; it did. There locale characters used, yet they always seem to be helping the white tourists. Yes this paints them in a great light as far as the west is concerned but I would have liked to have seen the effects on them and their way of life more because they can’t fly home they have to live with the devastation.

In conclusion, The Impossible is a truly excellent film within itself despite possible contextual and ethical grievances. Forget explosions and chiselled muscled action heroes running from them and firing cars at helicopters, The Impossible is a true edge of your seat film, that will leave you feeling exhausted both physically and emotionally.  

 

*this is a review of the film at the cinema, home viewing experience may vary. 

It Was Earth All Along- a rant on spoilers, you have been warned.

There are numerous extreme blights on the world today. In the west we face constantly the threat of economic collapse, terrorism, class and poverty divides, dark excesses most of us cannot imagine such as paedophilia and spoilers.

Wait did I just read that right?

Yes. Yes you did. Whilst I myself do not regard spoilers as such a problem, just go on the internet, go on a website or forum that discusses film or TV or comic books and read comments. There you will find people who regard spoilers as one of the worst things possible in today’s world. These people will band together and unleash keyboard hell on anyone who gives the slightest whiff of a plot detail.  And if any of those people are reading this, this is an article on spoilers. I will spoil things. Snape kills Dumbledore. Told you.

You may think I am being harsh; it’s true most people do not want to know plot details that could ruin the initial experience. Fine. Avoid them. the thing is though, there are a lot of people who relish plots, who love to speculate over the identity of Benedict Cumberbatch in the new star trek (yes he is who you think) or who like to look at possible comic book story lines the amazing spiderman 2 may follow.  Websites will post articles and discussion for these things and on the most part they will be treated in the right way. Unfortunately, because of spoilerphobes these are losing ground. To get to said article or discussion, one has to scroll through paragraph upon paragraph warning not even of definite spoilers but possible spoilers! Ideas that are pure guesswork from one keen fan have to be hidden behind a black wall just in case it turns out they were actually right. Read an article speculating on any upcoming film/game/comic/TV show that discusses plot details. Scroll down to the comments. You will find someone moaning about spoilers. One thing that amazes me is that this person, let’s call him Spencer, has seen an article about Star Trek Into darkness, one which is likely to discuss the various possibilities of the villain. He thinks to himself, I don’t want to know until I see it at the cinema. That’s fine. But then he clicks it anyway. Then he goes on the comments and unleashes hell with ride of the Valkyries booming 

out from YouTube.

Now I’m not saying its ok to spoil, what I’m saying is the duty should be in the hands of those who do not want to know. The internet is a big place, and people who either don’t care or already know certain things probably make up the majority. So why should their fun be spoilt by the minority who don’t know? If you haven’t seen star trek try and avoid forums, articles or things that may spoil it for you until you have seen it. Yes if someone runs up to you in a Benedict Cumberbatch t-shirt and yells ‘KHAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN’ punch them as it was annoying and wrong but if you stray onto a message board or a YouTube video comment that tells you, it’s more on you.

But we each experience these things differently; yes in the first week or two of release it is fair and proper to warn of spoilers in an article, or in a thread title. Give those who want a completely introspective experience upon first watch/play/read through have one. These simple things would make the internet one big happy family. 

like Norfolk.

That mini rant leads me on to another train of thought. Are these spoilers that bad? Now yes, if someone was to tell me the ENTIRE PLOT of a new movie I may be annoyed. But at the end of the day there is still the acting, the visuals, the script to enjoy (or not). However, most of these so called spoilers are twists or reveals that take up roughly 2 minutes of the entire thing, rug pulls if you will. So that makes me think, that if one twist is the entire reason you play a game or watch a movie, then maybe finding out did you a favour, saved you wasting money on an experience you wouldn’t fully appreciate because twists and reveals are only ever as strong as the journey that precedes them. If you are so heartbroken by learning she wasn’t actually a woman but she was two transgendered midgets in a big coat before the film then maybe you’re doing it wrong.

I recently played, neigh, fell in love with Bioshock Infinite. The day that I bought the game I watched a video review on YouTube (reviews are the one place that should always be spoiler free unless explicitly stated that should go without saying) and the top comment was Dewitt is Comstock. Oh dear. The big twist ruined. In that situation I could have moaned my tits off to anyone around, not only will it have been good to offload some rage, I would also be able to wear a size smaller in t-shirts. I also could have given up on the game completely. If I had I would have missed out on one of the best gaming experiences I have had since…well Bioshock before the hideous boss fight. Now Infinite is a good example; to many that piece of information would have ruined the experience, it wouldn’t have mattered that there are hours before then of hugely enjoyable gameplay, a vibrant fascinating world with a story that just keeps on giving. There is even an hour or so post twist that, whilst being quite mindfucky, adds to the already incredibly nuanced ideas and themes of the games story. Some people would disregard that in the same way a child would throw its toys out of the pram because one of them wasn’t quite right.  To put it simply Dewitt may be Comstock but what are the effects of that? Or how is it even possible? What does it mean for inter-dimensional theory? Three words are three words. Yes it can upset things a bit, you will never know if you would have enjoyed it more without knowing, but still let yourself enjoy with knowing.

There have been some great twists throughout the history of popular culture. Ones that have made great things even better or average things good. Sixth Sense a very good film very interesting. Find out that Bruce Willis is dead, boom, amazing film. Red Lights is a very average thriller, passable, but get to the ending find out Cillian Murphy has superpowers, woah hold the show I’m rewinding that shit! The films status is raised. These are the sorts of twists to be relished. These are the ones to be avoided. But that’s the key word. AVOIDED. If a friend brings it up just say politely ‘I haven’t seen that yet, please refrain from spoiling it for me good chum,’ or if you see an interesting looking article on it, save it for afterwards. Spoilers are only a problem if you make it a problem. If a rug pull is the only thing a film/game/comic/whatever has going for it, chances are it’s just a bad one and you don’t really want to experience it anyway. But when there is a good one, why break the water cooler for everyone else just because you haven’t seen it yet?

Rather than finish on an articulated rhetorical question I’m just going to have another moan. I was YouTube the other day watching a buffy reunion for… work ;). Obviously in the video and the comments there were discussions on plot points of the show that is over ten years old. But still there was one user having a go at people for putting spoilers. Fair enough, she might not have been born first time round, but still, watch them all before you watch a reunion video from 2008. Also in one comment she lampooned the ‘creepy looking weird ginger’ for mentioning Tara’s death. Yes she moaned about Joss Whedon for discussing his own story line from a decade ago. I hope this example clarifies just how idiotic the spoilerphobes can be. Also my flatmate (hope he reads this) had a go at me for telling another flatmate in his hearing that there was definitely a post credits scene for Iron-Man 3. Yeah. No details just the fact that we would be disappointed by a blank screen after waiting.

So that has been a poorly worded rant I hope you enjoyed it.

p.s soylent green is people.

I think i was in a lecture....

hey you. no not you. yeah you. how are you? you look great, whatever your doing, keep doing it!

so yes in my first ( and only i know shut it) post i promised you a review of the impossible. i have written the review but seeing as its cinema showings are now dwindling i thought i would save the review for its DVD release, that fair?

so for this post i thought i would go for some silliness and share with you my lecture notes from today. now i know what you are thinking why the hell do we want to see them? because i am insane. you don't need to know what the lecture was about and to be quite honest i couldn't tell you. see, getting the most out of that nine grand me! anyway here are my notes but first i would like to apologise if any of this causes offence not meant to. with that out of the way, hopefully enjoy:

critical contexts:

think about things.
be abstract

do you like monkeys?
yes. yes i do.
splendid.

coronation street is not literature.
no shit.
its also shit.
Eastenders is where its at.
i would love to write for that show. just make the cockneys suffer.

Leo Tolstoy wrote the bill.
shut up Jess.

Barrington Pheloung is the composer for Lewis.
Best. Name. Ever.
Poshest. Penis. Nickname. Ever.

is the canon bias towards white middle class males?
OMG a relevant note!

hamlet is awesome.

this is super turtle.

q: what would Hemingway do?
a: Fuck it, Kill it, Drink it, write it or just ignore it and think profoundly whilst growing a beard.

is there an authentic self?
don't ask me I'm a pancake.
shut it you, that was almost a relevant note!
......sorry. cover me in syrup and gobble me up?
no.........OK, maybe later.......wear the dress.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. no

giggle.
really?
hey! it was relevant, the lecturer giggled!
good point well made. wanna go for a cupcake after this?
no, thanks though, but I'm going clay German shooting.
can i come?
you could but it might look a bit petty, a Jew doing it. i mean you guys rose above them and if you were to do that it might spoil it a bit.
whatever, screw you. actually, could i borrow money for some food?
you're asking me? you aren't a very good Jew are you?
Fuck you man, you know what my grandparents went through!
firstly move on. secondly your grandparents weren't in it. thirdly it was in no way relevant so actually your the one being offencive by bringing it up needlessly.
do you realise how anti-Semitic you sound?
ffs anyway who gives a fuck I'm a duck!



yeah.......

thanks for reading guys after this my next post will probably be from the madhouse! byeeeee


just for the record i love the Jewish peoples and in no way believe in the stereotype and Howard is my favourite in the big bang. well fifth favourite. i laugh with him for the record. i'll stop now.

HELLLLLLLOOOOO THERE

Hi, I'm currently sitting at my typewriter and bleeding. If you got that reference we should be friends :) but chances are you might want to walk away from this blog right now. Or wheel away if you're on one of those cool computer chairs, or a wheelchair, more fun, make the best of it you know? right i get the feeling i should stop before i lose myself completely and offend someone.

so yes the above reference was to Hemingway one the greatest, most intelligent and most profound writers ever to have graced the earth. He also sported a rather fetching beard which is always a google plus (no more puns I promise). And yes i do consider myself a Hemingway wannabe. my dream is to become a writer who writes novels that have a chance of altering the way somebody thinks or perceives the world even if just for a short while after closing my book. if i can gain a drop of the oceans of literary respect that Hemingway possess i will be happy. But as well as sounding like a pompous arse as you may have guessed by now i have a little bit of a silly side. meaning i think I'm funny, although i admit I'm probably the only one of that opinion.

so whilst my writing is something i take very seriously and try make as meaningful as possible this blog is where i go to let off steam. to write about whatever is interesting me this week, which will often take the form of reviews, which i love to do, or pieces that are a lot like moments in a class or a lecture where the teacher goes completely off topic and just wastes everybody's time. so as i said before if you are a massive Hemingway fan and are looking for a blog full of profound truths about the world then this isn't for you. but if your bored at work, if its one in the morning and your essay is due at nine am and you are just looking for a bit of escapism them hopefully you will find something you like. although that said i may also use this as an outlet to try out things to do with my writing so occasionally there may actually be something slightly intelligent to read.

though i feel i should warn you i am new to blogging (yes I'm well aware that blogging has been and gone as a craze so i like to think of it as arriving fashionably late to the party) so whilst, hopefully, this may be a treat for brain, it will not be a treat for the senses.

so thanks for reading this post and hopefully you may have read something in it that you liked, if you did please read it again :) if not tell someone you hate its really good so they have to suffer it! the next post will be a film review of the new release The Impossible it would be great if you came back to read that but until then find something else to procrastinate with!

cheers, Chad