It Was Earth All Along- a rant on spoilers, you have been warned.

There are numerous extreme blights on the world today. In the west we face constantly the threat of economic collapse, terrorism, class and poverty divides, dark excesses most of us cannot imagine such as paedophilia and spoilers.

Wait did I just read that right?

Yes. Yes you did. Whilst I myself do not regard spoilers as such a problem, just go on the internet, go on a website or forum that discusses film or TV or comic books and read comments. There you will find people who regard spoilers as one of the worst things possible in today’s world. These people will band together and unleash keyboard hell on anyone who gives the slightest whiff of a plot detail.  And if any of those people are reading this, this is an article on spoilers. I will spoil things. Snape kills Dumbledore. Told you.

You may think I am being harsh; it’s true most people do not want to know plot details that could ruin the initial experience. Fine. Avoid them. the thing is though, there are a lot of people who relish plots, who love to speculate over the identity of Benedict Cumberbatch in the new star trek (yes he is who you think) or who like to look at possible comic book story lines the amazing spiderman 2 may follow.  Websites will post articles and discussion for these things and on the most part they will be treated in the right way. Unfortunately, because of spoilerphobes these are losing ground. To get to said article or discussion, one has to scroll through paragraph upon paragraph warning not even of definite spoilers but possible spoilers! Ideas that are pure guesswork from one keen fan have to be hidden behind a black wall just in case it turns out they were actually right. Read an article speculating on any upcoming film/game/comic/TV show that discusses plot details. Scroll down to the comments. You will find someone moaning about spoilers. One thing that amazes me is that this person, let’s call him Spencer, has seen an article about Star Trek Into darkness, one which is likely to discuss the various possibilities of the villain. He thinks to himself, I don’t want to know until I see it at the cinema. That’s fine. But then he clicks it anyway. Then he goes on the comments and unleashes hell with ride of the Valkyries booming 

out from YouTube.

Now I’m not saying its ok to spoil, what I’m saying is the duty should be in the hands of those who do not want to know. The internet is a big place, and people who either don’t care or already know certain things probably make up the majority. So why should their fun be spoilt by the minority who don’t know? If you haven’t seen star trek try and avoid forums, articles or things that may spoil it for you until you have seen it. Yes if someone runs up to you in a Benedict Cumberbatch t-shirt and yells ‘KHAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN’ punch them as it was annoying and wrong but if you stray onto a message board or a YouTube video comment that tells you, it’s more on you.

But we each experience these things differently; yes in the first week or two of release it is fair and proper to warn of spoilers in an article, or in a thread title. Give those who want a completely introspective experience upon first watch/play/read through have one. These simple things would make the internet one big happy family. 

like Norfolk.

That mini rant leads me on to another train of thought. Are these spoilers that bad? Now yes, if someone was to tell me the ENTIRE PLOT of a new movie I may be annoyed. But at the end of the day there is still the acting, the visuals, the script to enjoy (or not). However, most of these so called spoilers are twists or reveals that take up roughly 2 minutes of the entire thing, rug pulls if you will. So that makes me think, that if one twist is the entire reason you play a game or watch a movie, then maybe finding out did you a favour, saved you wasting money on an experience you wouldn’t fully appreciate because twists and reveals are only ever as strong as the journey that precedes them. If you are so heartbroken by learning she wasn’t actually a woman but she was two transgendered midgets in a big coat before the film then maybe you’re doing it wrong.

I recently played, neigh, fell in love with Bioshock Infinite. The day that I bought the game I watched a video review on YouTube (reviews are the one place that should always be spoiler free unless explicitly stated that should go without saying) and the top comment was Dewitt is Comstock. Oh dear. The big twist ruined. In that situation I could have moaned my tits off to anyone around, not only will it have been good to offload some rage, I would also be able to wear a size smaller in t-shirts. I also could have given up on the game completely. If I had I would have missed out on one of the best gaming experiences I have had since…well Bioshock before the hideous boss fight. Now Infinite is a good example; to many that piece of information would have ruined the experience, it wouldn’t have mattered that there are hours before then of hugely enjoyable gameplay, a vibrant fascinating world with a story that just keeps on giving. There is even an hour or so post twist that, whilst being quite mindfucky, adds to the already incredibly nuanced ideas and themes of the games story. Some people would disregard that in the same way a child would throw its toys out of the pram because one of them wasn’t quite right.  To put it simply Dewitt may be Comstock but what are the effects of that? Or how is it even possible? What does it mean for inter-dimensional theory? Three words are three words. Yes it can upset things a bit, you will never know if you would have enjoyed it more without knowing, but still let yourself enjoy with knowing.

There have been some great twists throughout the history of popular culture. Ones that have made great things even better or average things good. Sixth Sense a very good film very interesting. Find out that Bruce Willis is dead, boom, amazing film. Red Lights is a very average thriller, passable, but get to the ending find out Cillian Murphy has superpowers, woah hold the show I’m rewinding that shit! The films status is raised. These are the sorts of twists to be relished. These are the ones to be avoided. But that’s the key word. AVOIDED. If a friend brings it up just say politely ‘I haven’t seen that yet, please refrain from spoiling it for me good chum,’ or if you see an interesting looking article on it, save it for afterwards. Spoilers are only a problem if you make it a problem. If a rug pull is the only thing a film/game/comic/whatever has going for it, chances are it’s just a bad one and you don’t really want to experience it anyway. But when there is a good one, why break the water cooler for everyone else just because you haven’t seen it yet?

Rather than finish on an articulated rhetorical question I’m just going to have another moan. I was YouTube the other day watching a buffy reunion for… work ;). Obviously in the video and the comments there were discussions on plot points of the show that is over ten years old. But still there was one user having a go at people for putting spoilers. Fair enough, she might not have been born first time round, but still, watch them all before you watch a reunion video from 2008. Also in one comment she lampooned the ‘creepy looking weird ginger’ for mentioning Tara’s death. Yes she moaned about Joss Whedon for discussing his own story line from a decade ago. I hope this example clarifies just how idiotic the spoilerphobes can be. Also my flatmate (hope he reads this) had a go at me for telling another flatmate in his hearing that there was definitely a post credits scene for Iron-Man 3. Yeah. No details just the fact that we would be disappointed by a blank screen after waiting.

So that has been a poorly worded rant I hope you enjoyed it.

p.s soylent green is people.